I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
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I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
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I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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