did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
