Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
