He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
