She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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