If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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