dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
