I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
