Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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