Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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