I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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