Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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