is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
