just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
