He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
