we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
