Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
