You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
