these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
