The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
