Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
