Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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