WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
please come you make the beer taste better
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
