I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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