VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
