I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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