i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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