When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
