my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
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She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
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I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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