At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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