Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize