can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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