woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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