I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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