awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
