Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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