girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
