oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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