Sorry, I don't speak sober.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
this will be a night to untag.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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