I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
my liver is dry heaving
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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