I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
