i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
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he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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