So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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