Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
