And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
