hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
