so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
