yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
