We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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