I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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