I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
