My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
