Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
