nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
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