It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
