all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
