so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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