I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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