But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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