I wish I could punch you in the face.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
