The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
