I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
