the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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